Sleeping with the moon
by Iskra revoir
Summary: Because when somebody who loved us is gone, keep breathing can be the biggest burden, and we find ourselves here, sleeping with the moon... What was in Duncan s mind after he left Alia for the last time in CoD. Songfic. Reposted!


Ok, first of all, I must say that English is NOT my first language. So if anybody is reading this, I will really appreciate it if you leave in your review if there is bad grammar so I can correct it. And I must beg that you leave a review because if not, how am I going to know that someone actually read my poor story? T.T

Dedicated to my beta, DragonLadySage and to SpacePirateGirl, who took the time to leave a very long and helpful review!

The song´s name is "Durmiendo con la luna" from "Elefante"

**Aaaaaa **is the original song

_**Aaaaaa **_is the translation

Hope that you enjoy!!!

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**Sleeping with the Moon**

"Let that all the waters of Dune flow," Duncan said in a whisper. "They will never be as much as my tears."

The evening sun was his sole companion as he set course to the Sietch Tabr.

**Aqui estoy,**

**Entre el amor y el olvido**

**Entre recuerdos y el frío,**

**Entre el silencio y tu voz.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Between the love and the oblivion,**_

_**Between the memories and the cold,**_

_**Between the silence and your voice. **_

The tears didn´t let him see the road. He felt such a heavy weight in his chest, he almost couldn't bear the guilt for having not realized before what was happening with Alia, for having not tried to do anything until it was too late.

He knew that his emotions were a no-mentat excess that he couldn´t allow himself in that moment where he needed all his abilities sharp and fast. He needed to relegate all those feelings to the oblivion, to ignore the freezing hand that squeezes his soul, to stop remembering, to forget… it's impossible.

In the distance, the Sietch was starting to become visible so he rushed the ship. Thank god that he was near. The silence was starting to weigh in him. One of the drawbacks of being a mentat: you can´t escape from your own mind. Without being able to stop it, he remembered something that he had told to Alia in a ship not unlike this one, so long ago…

"_Standing by yourself can be the hardest task in the universe."_

That was what she had always feared… and now it was her reality. She had lost herself in the demon arisen from the past of her flesh, who lived in her mind, her real being had disappeared, leaving behind just a body with a stolen soul.

"_I have never wanted to be different. I didn´t want to be a part of the history. All I ever wanted was to be loved… and to love…"_

Duncan turned around startled. For a moment, he swore that he had heard her voice beside him. It was so real…

"If I keep like this, my phantoms are going to kill me. I must control myself."

He began his descent.

**Aquí estoy,**

**Viendo pasar los segundos,**

**Viendo pasar los minutos,**

**Viendo pasar el amor.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Watching the seconds pass by,**_

_**Watching the minutes pass by,**_

_**Watching the love pass by.**_

"The naib will see you in a moment, my lord."

"Thanks, I will wait for him here."

Silently, Duncan watched the retreating back of the messenger. With his gaze lost in the daily life of the Sietch, there weren't any particular thoughts in his mind, he was just letting the time pass over his lost self. Stilgar must be really busy if he was taking so long. At a distance, he watched a young couple look into each other's eyes and smile, the rest of the world forgotten. He turned his eyes away from the sight, unable to stand the knowledge that never again will he see that gaze in the eyes of his beloved.

The gaze that told him that she loved him too.

**Aquí estoy,**

**con la sonrisa fingida,**

**que me dejo tu partida,**

**como un verano sin sol.**

_**Here I am, **_

_**With the fake smile,**_

_**That your depart left on me,**_

_**Like a summer without sun.**_

At least, almost when the sun was setting, Stilgar came. He apologized for being late and gave him the fremen welcoming words. Duncan was surprised for his own smile. It felt so utterly and dreadfully false. Was this what having realized the loss of his wife had left in him? He felt so empty… How long will he have to stand being alive?

**Aquí estoy,**

**sin la mitad de mi vida,**

**un callejon sin salida,**

**viendo la vida pasar.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Without half of my life,**_

_**A blind alley,**_

_**Watching the life pass by.**_

While he was talking with Stilgar, he was feeling more desperate with each passing second. Stilgar was such a stubborn old man! How could he not realize that the real Alia would never provoke all that was happening? How couldn´t he see that, knowing it was breaking him inside? He had already been in denial for a long time, and now he cursed himself for doing so because that had destroyed any chance to help her. And now, Stilgar too was denying the reality, but now they had no time. Damn the baron for all eternity! He had not only destroyed the Atreides house, hundreds of brave and strong men who proved their fidelity until death, and such a singular man like the duke Leto I; now he came from beyond the death to destroy all that they have finally achieved.

**Aquí estoy,**

**cantándole a la fortuna,**

**soñando con tu cintura,**

**con lo que nunca será.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Singing to the fortune,**_

_**Dreaming with your waist,**_

_**With what will never be.**_

Stilgar had gone out a moment, giving him a chance to rest, at least for a minute. Will he be able to convince Stilgar in time? It was too late for Leto now, but Ghani still had a chance… a chance called Stilgar.

He really hoped to convince Stilgar because Ghani and Leto were like his own children. Sometimes he had even indulged himself the fantasy that they were really his own. Children born from him and Alia to give life to their family, if only…

**Aquí estoy,**

**enredado con la duda,**

**durmiéndome con la Luna,**

**despertando con el Sol.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Tangled with the doubt,**_

_**Sleeping with the moon,**_

_**Waking up with the sun.**_

Here comes Stilgar again. Time to try to get his message into Stilgar´s hard and stubborn head. Come on! Did Stilgar think that he was joking? Gods of the depths! What kind of man makes jokes with his wife´s life?

**Aquí estoy,**

**con la sonrisa fingida,**

**que me dejo tu partida,**

**como un verano sin sol.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**With the fake smile,**_

_**That your depart left on me,**_

_**Like a summer without sun.**_

He was so terrible and utterly tired. All night talking and it was just like in the beginning, or maybe worse. It´s not good for your mental health to have your head smashed over and over with the symbolic wall of bricks.

**Aquí estoy,**

**sin la mitad de mi vida,**

**un callejón sin salida,**

**viendo la vida pasar.**

**Sin la mitad de mi vida,**

**un callejón sin salida,**

**viendo la vida pasar.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Without half of my life,**_

_**A blind alley,**_

_**Watching the life pass by.**_

_**Without half of my life,**_

_**A blind alley,**_

_**Watching the life pass by.**_

Stilgar was going out, finishing their business, and there was nothing that he could do to change that, was there?

In that moment, he came to a decision. His mentat mind coldly analyzed his idea, deciding that it would work. The question was, would he dare to do it?

Suddenly, his will hardened. He was _so_ going to do it, for Alia. Surely, she would have hated what was happening, and would have wanted to save Ghani. Maybe in the underworld Paul would forgive him for having not taken care of his sister and children correctly. Was she already with her brother, even when her body was still here, controlled by the abominable baron? Even he, who had come back from the dead, had no answer to that.

Time to start the plan.

**Aquí estoy,**

**curándome las heridas,**

**durmiéndome con la Luna,**

**despertando con el Sol.**

_**Here I am,**_

_**Healing the wounds,**_

_**Sleeping with the moon,**_

_**Waking up with the sun.**_

The plan had been a complete success, Stilgar was so predictable.

Whereas, feeling his life passing away, he was smiling, knowing that somehow, now he had paid for his mistakes. He remembered his first death… to save Paul and Jessica. What do those Atreides have that he doesn´t mind dying in order to save them?

When he was thinking in this, he felt somebody getting close. Was this possible? He didn´t know if he should believe his eyes, but there she was. He felt soft hands taking his, saw the sweet smile that she gave to him and he knew that he would die as many times as were necessary for them because, just as he loved them, that smile was telling him… that he was loved too. He smiled when he heard the musical voice telling him…

**Aquí estoy**

_**Here I am**_

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My first English fic!!! I can´t believe that I actually finished!! ToT

And please, somebody leave a review, even if it has one or two words, it would make me really happy!!! (Ok, that was kind of pathetic, but still).

Au revoir


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